As I sat in the teacher’s lounge eating my lunch, my principal came in and turned on the television. The horrors of what was happening in an elementary school so far away from mine came on the screen, but in that moment it didn’t feel so far away.

The thought that someone would open fire in an elementary school filled with children, an elementary school just like mine, is incomprehensible to me. Elementary schools are supposed to be safe havens. They should be a place filled with laughter & learning, not gunshots & screams.

I’ve spent the afternoon resisting the urge to grab my kids in big bear hugs. I can’t imagine anyone ever hurting one of them, or worse, ending their young lives. This shouldn’t have happened. My heart is breaking & my stomach is churning. What kind of world are we living in that this is a reality? I can’t even wrap my mind around it.

My thoughts & prayers are with all of those who have been affected by this senseless act of violence. The kids who will never go home again. The parents who will never wrap their arms around their children again. The teachers and staff who lost their lives. The students and teachers who will have to eventually go back to the place that is now filled with so much terror. It’s just heartbreaking.

Wednesday. The Christmas play is over!!! I don’t have to worry about it for another year & it was amazing. There are only six full days of school & two half days standing between me & winter break. In three days, I will be celebrating my birthday with some of the best friends a girl could have. It seems like my week is looking up. Happy Wednesday y’all!

My kids did AMAZING! I’m so proud.

Despite a minor microphone issue (which they handled extremely well), they were practically perfect.

I was almost in tears on Monday afternoon because it was such a disaster, but somehow they pulled it off.

I think the trick is making them believe that they can do it. After a little pep talk this morning, they turned it all around.

And the best part is… now I can relax!

Thanks for all the positivity & love earlier. It helped:)

I’m sick and tired of death. My family has experienced enough. I’m ready for us to go a year without losing someone.

Today, on her birthday, my sister’s boyfriend’s stepfather passed away. It’s been coming for a long while. He’s had an ongoing battle with cancer. He’s actually been extremely close to passing several times before. But today it finally happened. The service is on Saturday, my birthday.

To be honest, I never had the opportunity to meet him, so his death isn’t directly affecting me, but it’s still lingering off in the distance. I know that it is affecting my sister, very much so, as well as her boyfriend, who is like the little brother I never had. I also grew up with his mom at summer camps. She’s one of the most genuine & caring people I know. It’s been a while since I last saw her, but I still know that she is dealing with the worst pain imaginable.

On top of that, my sister’s birthday is, for the most part, ruined this year. And it seems mine is as well.

For the first time in years, I actually had a really great birthday planned. My sister was a big part of that plan. I was looking forward to celebrating both of our birthdays together, but now she won’t be with me. Instead she’ll be mourning the life of someone she cares about & I’ll be without my family, yet again. I still have plans with close friends, but I really wanted my sister there and death got in the way.

Ten years ago, we lost my grandmother five days after my birthday and five days before Christmas. Three years ago, I lost one of my closest friends the week before Thanksgiving. My dad passed the day before I was leaving to head back for my senior year of college. And now another death is affecting my family during a time when we should be happy & celebrating. I’m just sick of it. I know people can’t live forever and there’s never a good time for death, but I don’t know if I can take much more…

Regarding this post… come to find out he’s dating someone else.

So much for ‘I need to be alone for a little while’.

Don’t try to be the nice guy or spare my feelings by feeding me bull.

Just man-up & tell me the truth.

I deserve it & it’ll hurt less in the long run.

And while you’re at it, don’t tell me that you’re thinking of me or how good I look when you’ve been seeing someone else. Just don’t.