Needed. Yesterday I had a low point in my decision to be sober. I didn’t crave a drink, but instead I thought of all that I will miss out on by not drinking. Going out with friends to a hole-in-the-wall bar, my annual girls trip to the winery in Boerne, TX, meeting a cute guy for drinks, sipping celebratory champagne at weddings, NYE, and so on. These thoughts made me think of what would happen if I went back on my decision, if I allowed myself just one little drink from time to time. But then I received two very well-timed messages, one here on tumblr and one in my gmail inbox. Both messages were heart-felt and uplifting. Both reminded me of why I made this decision. Both reinforced that I am doing the right thing for myself. Are there things that I will miss out on because of this decision? Absolutely. But I’m gaining so much more.
Inspire Faith. Spotted at the Nutcracker Market this weekend.
Veteran’s Day. On Saturday morning, as I was running a quick errand at Wal-mart, I was approached by a veteran with this poppy. He did not ask for a donation. All he did was hand me the poppy, give me a big smile, and ask me to wear it in honor of our veterans. I usually am not one to stop and donate to people who are outside of stores, but as I walked out of the store on the way to my car, I stopped to give a few dollars. It wasn’t much, but it was something. The thing is, when I was stopped by the man I was immediately reminded of my Papa who fought in WW II, my Popo who fought in the Korean war, my cousin who served in the Marines, my best friend and his sister who both spent time overseas with the Army, and another important person in my life who spent several years overseas serving in the Marines. I am lucky enough to be able to say that all of my loved ones who have served this country have come home safely. Not everyone can say the same. Some never make it home and some that do are never the same. Our troops and veterans deserve our support & respect. I am thankful for them today and everyday.
Sunday Blues. After a wonderful [& emotional] weekend spent with mama & baby sister, I’m once again alone. They both just left to head home, and I’m left feeling the Sunday blues.
When I was in college, I frequently experienced the Sunday blues. When Sunday rolled around, I always longed to be home. Now that I’m an adult, my Sunday blues come in a different form, but they still creep in. Now I feel the loneliness of being single, living on my own without a partner or family to enjoy the quiet laziness that a day like today will bring.
I enjoy living on my own, but I’d gladly share my space with someone. I’d love to curl up on the couch with my best friend, the puppies, and a mug of steaming coffee on a morning like this. The trouble is, I haven’t found that someone yet, and I sometimes wonder if I ever will.
As my front door closed behind mama this morning, I immediately felt tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I know I’ll be okay, I am okay, but the feeling of loneliness has set in, and I have a feeling I won’t be able to shake it today.
Life According to Instagram. Sunday morning coffee & homework | Breakfast for dinner… Yum!!! | My first peppermint mocha & red cup of the season | Realizing that I can finally put my hair into a little side braid after chopping it all off forever ago | Drooling over these classic novels with fun, new covers
Family. Tomorrow my mama & baby sister are coming to visit for the weekend, and I could not be more excited! I was lucky enough to grow up in a family that has always been extremely close, but when my daddy passed away we became even closer. My mama & baby sister are two of my best friends, and they are the most important people in my life. Of course, we aren’t perfect. We disagree, fight, and get annoyed with each other as all families do, but we always kiss & make-up. They are my heart, and any time I get to spend with them is my favorite time. This weekend we are continuing our annual tradition of going to The Nutcracker Market. It’s a perfectly girly & holiday filled weekend spent with my two favorite people. I cannot wait!
Happiness. This weekend I attended a beautiful wedding shower for a sweet friend. This friend is an incredible woman who has weathered a few storms in her life. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate the happiness she’s found, and I’m very much looking forward to celebrating her and her man on their wedding day. I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel genuine happiness for the people around me who are getting married. There was a time when, although I was happy for people, I also felt a twinge of jealousy & resentment. I’m glad to have passed that phase. This new phase feels so much better, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t leave the shower feeling a little down. As happy as I am for my friends who have found love, it still makes me sad that I haven’t. But instead of feeling jealousy, I now feel hopeful. When I see the love that my friends have found, it gives me hope that I’ll find it someday as well… when the time is right. Until then, I’ll continue being genuinely & truly happy for the people I care about.
Refreshed. This was the first weekend since school started that I really rested. For the past couple of months, I was either moving, out of town, or getting overly intoxicated on a Friday night, which in turn would ruin the rest of my weekend. This weekend was a breath of fresh air. I slept in, woke up feeling rested & refreshed, ran errands, and got a lot of homework done. It wasn’t anything eventful, but it was exactly what I needed. It also reinforced to me that I am making the right decision in cutting alcohol out of my life.
Changes. Yesterday I came home craving a beer. I was in the mood for a nice pumpkin beer. What’s better on Halloween than a pumpkin beer? It was the first day since making my big decision that I really craved alcohol, but instead of satisfying my craving, I did my best to push it out of my mind. It’s a strange feeling. I’m a 28 year old woman. I should be able to have a beer if I want one, but because of the decision I’ve made, I can’t or won’t. In a way I feel like a child being told that I can’t do something, but I know that the decision I made is one that only a responsible adult can make. In the end it felt good to resist the craving. It may feel weird for a while, but that’s usually how change works, right? I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a positive change.
Life According to Instagram. Puppy tucked in snug as a bug in a rug | Bedtime reading with a side of tea [still not sure how I felt about the book…] | Coffee in a pretty mug on a Friday morning | Three little pumpkins ready for Halloween.
Happy Halloween. It’s a dreary, rainy day here in Houston which means I’m daydreaming of slipping into my sweatpants, pouring a hot cup of tea, and snuggling up on the couch for a Halloween viewing of Hocus Pocus. Hope you all have an amazing day!
Quiet. Last night I put on my PJs and climbed into bed with a book & a cup of tea at an early hour. After the emotionally draining weekend, I needed a little weekday “me-time”, a little quiet. When things in my life feel overwhelming, I like to bury myself in the (electronic) pages of a book. I can transport myself to another world that has nothing to do with my own. I lose myself in the characters and the lives that they lead. For a little while, I get to forget my troubles, concerns, and burdens. It is one of my favorite escapes & just what I needed last night.
Uplifting. The response that I’ve received from family & friends, and of course this community, has been overwhelmingly supportive. It’s encouraging to know that I have so many people rooting for me. Admitting to the people I care about that I have a problem with alcohol was absolutely terrifying. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or make them think less of me. But the response that I’ve seen has been anything but disappointment. I feel supported. I feel encouraged. I feel loved. I am very blessed to be surrounded by incredible people who uplift me & believe in me.
Sober. This weekend I made a decision to live a sober life. In the past, I’ve taken breaks from alcohol & tried to quit altogether. I always knew it was something that wasn’t good for me. Unfortunately, I was never successful. The problem was that I always tried to do it on my own. I was embarassed to admit that I had a problem with alcohol. This time is different. I’ve told my family & closest friends, and I know I have their support. I’m not alone.
I am not an alcoholic in the sense that I need to drink everyday, but when I do drink it is always in excess. I drink to the point of blacking out. I do & say things that are completely out of character for myself. When I’m sober, I think I’m a pretty good person who usually does the right thing. When I drink, I hate the person I turn into. I do things that are hurtful to myself & to those around me. It doesn’t feel good.
I’ve made the decision to change, and this time I have the support I need. I feel extremely vulnerable for putting it all out there so openly & honestly, but I feel even more hopeful for the positive changes to come. I can do this.